I’ve been out there on the dating scene for the last few months.
Deep down I knew what to expect.
I was not wrong.
I’m going to tell you now, there are more closeted men out there than you think. The majority of people whom have contacted me on dating sites and apps are closeted men that are in relationships, usually married and usually with kids.
Men whom I feel are somewhat like I used to be. Unable to be themselves publicly for whatever reason. Unable to express themselves and their desires freely towards trans gender diverse women due to societies stigma.
You see, as a trans woman you are really just seen as a freak-show or a sex worker, and I’m not saying from my personal opinion, that there is anything wrong with either of those two things. It’s just that society has created stigma towards that. Over the centuries it has done really well at pushing us underground and marginalizing us. Labelling us as something that you don’t want to be associated with.
Comedians of late have been trying to perpetuate this myth as well. Turning trans gender diverse people into the butt of their jokes, which makes people think it’s o.k to punch down onto us even further. That it’s o.k to point, giggle and laugh.
To people who are closeted this only compounds the reasons for being closeted and to me it’s terrifying that this is what our society is doing to men.
It’s seems the Trans-feminine community is here to service this closeted culture that society has created.
Fuck that. I had public relationships as a hetero acting person, why can’t I have relationships like that with people as an openly proud trans female ? This is a sentiment held by many of the trans women I know. Yet it seems to be elusive for most of us. We are relegated to these shady situations out of the need for physical intimacy and to feel wanted.
I have observed at social engagements with seemingly heterosexual men, that if they are in a relationship they have no problem talking to me all night. But if they are single they won’t be seen talking to me alone because of the social implications that this entails. What’s that you say ? Well, males have an ingrained culture of shit giving. I used to be a master of it. The more I played it up the less anyone would ever question me. It is through this “shit” giving that they police the “Gay/Trans” out of someone. Anything that is seen as feminine or gay is immediately pounced upon by the group through ridicule and jest.
So by talking to me and having an engaging conversation they are literally putting themselves up for a roasting. Let alone the fact they might actually find they like talking to me and what the implication of that means for them.
I’m kinda refusing the role that’s being thrust upon me. Excuse the pun 🙂
I’m not going to spend my time in dark rooms and dodgy hotels rooms never being respected or treated as an actual person, just a release for someone. A vehicle for someones pleasure to be kept hidden. Or worse yet a counselling service for closeted men who refuse to evolve. Fuck that.
I want what you want. To be held, to be touched in public without fear or worry. Why can’t I have that ?
So the whole experiment of internet dating for me has just made me incredibly sad.
I think I’ll stick to meeting people in real life.